rainbow bridge

A Fangirl Reads the Waltharius

Because of course while writing a Nibelungenlied parody I have to have Nibelungenlied feels. Which mainly means Kriemhild feels and Hagen feels. Which means mostly Hagen feels, okay, I admit it. You try resisting the dark, grim but utterly loyal and dedicated badass with all the angsty backstories, I dare you.

… By feels I obviously mean “let’s see if I can search for hours to find LOADS of obscure stuff and contradicting information and generally get even more obsessed”.

So, yeah. I finally read the Waltharius - in English, because I just can’t ever find stuff in Italian, Italian literary has no stuff - and you probably should too.

If you like stories about true love, dangerous adventures, brave knights, great treasures, parents selling their own children to save their asses, asshole kings acting like assholes, and lots of maiming, that’s it. But, then again, who doesn’t?

Have a helpful link: http://ilcrepuscolo.altervista.org/php5/index.php/Waltharius_Manu_Fortis

Anyway. This is what I got from reading the Waltharius.
Warning for silly fangirl interpretation of overdramatic epic poems, of course.

Collapse )

… Basically, expect fics. Slash fics. OT3 fics. Angst fics. Missing Moments fics.
All the fics.
Well, as soon as I get over my writer’s block and everything I write stops being crap, anyway.

Totally Legit Biological Differences, I Swear!

What they say: " Strong women written by men are just men with boobs! Women are observant and introspective, they don't just smash everything!"

What they mean: "Women are passive and prefer thinking to acting. Women aren't violent or able to do violent actions, women are gentle and kind. The only type of fighting women are able to do is sneaky, catty, passive-aggressive verbal fighting. Women are subtle and artistic and spiritual and possibly unearthly, never pragmatic or straightforward. And everybody knows women are bad at Maths and at changing tyres. But the're really really good at identifying different shades of the same colour, honestly."

What they say: "Men written by women are too introspective and focused on details. Men see the bigger picture, they act quickly and don't get lost in their thoughts like that. Men don't dwell on their feelings, they're straightforward and direct and they get over things."

What they mean: "Whoever doesn't fit my ideal of strong, bold, stoic, bordering-on-unfeeling masculinity is a sissy crybaby who should just man up and stop thinking like one of these stupid oversensitive little girls. Also, men are completely unaware of their surroundings and the context they're moving in unless my male character needs to see a threat coming from a mile away to look cool."

What they come across as saying: "Men and women are inherently different. It's not that society teaches us to expect different things from men and women and see certain things as masculine or feminine characteristics, it's just that we're destined to be that way right at birth because of our genitalia. Only my way of seeing masculinity or femininity is right."

You know what I'd like to see? People who say this kind of things being forced to write genderqueer and non-binary characters.

Random Musings

Sometimes I feel like, no matter what I do and how hard I try, my writing is always going to suck.

Sometimes I just read those stories - you know the ones. The stories you can see and touch and smell, the ones that feel more real than the reality you're living or at least more genuine and interesting. The ones with all those characters who act and talk like actual people only they're likeable and anyway you just keep liking them even if they're complete douchebags, and the world around them is so believable that it doesn't seem to need them anymore to keep existing, and each and every tiny little detail is so perfectly placed and fits naturally in the bigger picture. The ones that run so smoothly, punch you repeatedly in the gut, fill your belly with warmth and make something inside your chest tingle pleasantly, just under the skin.

Then I realise that I don't know what the very moment before a storm smells like - the whole "faint tinge of ozone in the air", you know it. Everbody seems to know it.
And I wouldn't even compare blood to copper. I don't even know what copper tastes like. I've never had the urge to put copper in my mouth.
(... Though I had a kind of a phase as kid when I kept scratching my back and ankles until I drew blood. I solemnly swear I didn't have fleas. I just had weird interests from an early age. And the only vaguely creepy things were the thin scars between my shoulderblades. So, anyway, sometimes I kind of smeared the blood over the skin, then licked my fingers. Didn't smell like copper. Didn't taste like what copper would probably taste like. Feeling like a complete weirdo while writing this.)
And I don't think I've ever managed to smell someone's skin. Shampoo, perfume, cologne, sweat, filth ... I can get these. But the only type of skin smell I recognize is "old people smell". The rest is just a generic "clean human being" smell, if even that, nothing distinctive. The hottest guy on Earth could hug me repeatedly and I'd probably barely manage to smell his hair gel.

And the colour tables on Tumbrl, the ones that are supposed to help writers with description, they just confuse me to no end. Why is "lemonade" a type of pink, if lemonade is made with lemons and lemons definitely aren't pink? Why are "snow" and "frost" blue? Does anyone actually use "boysenberry" or "parakeet" in descriptions? Can people really distinguish all these types of black? They make me feel like I've got even more problems with my eyes, or like I'm just stupid.
Am I the only one who doesn't see people with "richly ivory coloured skin, enhanced by soft warm rouge undertones and just a hint of coral in the cheeks" everyday walking down the street?
I'm one of those cheap writers who just sticks to "hair like gold" and "eyes as blue as a clear sky" because they're easy ...

And I know I sound whiny. I know I sound like I'am badmouthing people who write a lot better than me.
It's just that sometimes I feel like there's a whole world I'm missing on. Because I'm not observant and deep enough, and that probably means I'm not interesting enough, and that probably means I've got nothing to say and what little I could think up has surely already been said to the point that everyone is sick of hearing about it.

I know it's the pathetic, embarassing stuff teenage angst is made of. I know it's probably just me making up excuses for my mediocre-at-best writing, for my vague descriptions and featureless similes, for not manning up and actually starting to plan and write those plots I keep dreaming about or wishing someone else would write for me, for being lazy and envying writers who aren't and also actually are talented.
I know it sounds like I'm begging for pats on the back and that kind of stuff. It's just that sometimes I get frustrated at myself. And when I get frustrated, I'm pretty damn shitty to be around.

... Yes, I also know nothing in this post makes sense.
loki hangover

Stuff I Need More Of in My Fiction

In no particular order. Just getting stuff off my chest and venting a bit.
Will probably have other parts (I’m easily frustrated).

  1. Hot dude is condescending, irritating, smug, pompous and generally a complete ass. Shy and easily flustered chick who usually tries to act tough doesn’t reveal her soft side together with her embarrassment. Instead, she flips hot dude the bird and goes hang out with people who don’t go out of their way to make her uncomfortable.

  2. Hot dude controls heroine’s every move, chooses not to give her important information, basically locks her up and says he’s doing all of this for her own good. Heroine stops swooning over his biceps and calls the police.

  3. Hero leaves love interest so as not to put her in danger, even if said love interest knows the risks perfectly and is willing to put up with them. Love interest hooks up with another guy who believes in her and knows her strength.

  4. Ordinary girl meets gorgeous girl. Ordinary girl doesn’t feel threatened, self-conscious, angry or like making one-hundred bitchy remarks about how gorgeous girl is obviously just a man-eating airhead in the same paragraph.

  5. Clumsy girl sometimes drops stuff, sometimes hits and knocks over random things, and generally moves in an awkward way. She still doesn’t trip and fall every three steps. When she does trip and fall, she doesn’t land in the arms of a timely cute guy, but hits the floor and hurts herself.

  6. Girl has to choose between aloof but cool bad boy and sweet but insistent nice guy. She stops angsting, realises she could be doing something better with her time and ditches them both before finding herself a new and more interesting hobby.

  7. Girl has to choose between aloof but cool bad boy and sweet but insistent nice guy. Bad boy and nice guy get tired of waiting for her to choose and hook up with each other instead.

  8. Girl has to choose between aloof but cool bad boy and sweet but insistent nice guy. Thinking about it, they realise that actually they all have feelings for each other and start a polyamorous relationship together.

  9. Character is being fought over by two other characters (jock and nerd if character is female, Alpha Bitch and cute nice girl if male) who each believe that they’re better than each other and that they deserve their love interest more. Character tells them to fuck off because they’re more than just a love interest and they certainly are not a prize to be fought over or “deserved”.

  10. One character is abused, neglected and/or abandoned by a family member. Years later, another character who doesn’t even know said family member tries very insistently to push first character into getting over it already, stop acting like a victim and being all smiling and forgiving because they say so, totally ignoring first character’s feelings, fears and trauma. All because “family is important”, so if your abusers are part of your family then you should just quit your whining and do all you can to make them feel better about themselves, even if it means sweeping years of hurt under the rug in five seconds flat. Instead of letting themselves be pressured into giving other character the unreasonably quick and easy happy ending they want, first character punches other character in the face for daring to tell them how they’re supposed to feel. They then proceed to introduce other character to their very warm and loving family of choice.

  11. Adopted kid calls their biological parents “biological parents”, not “true parents” or “real parents”. Even if their biological family are the royal family of the Super Duper Secret Realm of the Shiny Half-Dragon Elves. Because their adopted family are the ones who have always been there for them, and it just doesn’t matter if they’re mortals or commoners or poor.

sleipnir has two mommies

Just spreading the love

So, I may have already put some backhanded reference to him in a post. And I may have been pondering for a while if it was the case to spam him all over the place  - it was, it still is.

But someone says it much better than I think I could. I don't know what the hell happened and I don't think I even want to know, because I know I'd just get angry at the whole world for an unreasonable amount of time (yeah, that's something I do), but I agree with this post on so. Many. Levels.

Seriously, I'm not heathen or pagan and I don't even have tumbrl, I'm just a cluesless Norse Mythology fangirl who reads the gods as characters to squee over or - in her best days - as archetypes and costructions born out of a certain kind of society. But GLE's askblog is one of my favourite things on the Internet.

You want interesting aricles? He has them. You want books and essays? He'll point you in the right direction and give links where he can. You're tired of people telling you their UPGs are totally the complete and universally accepted truth, misquoting stuff and trying to make you feel like an idiot because you don't know stuff that doesn't even happen in the lore, copying random stuff from Raven Kaldera, pretending to destroy misconceptions once and for all while actually serving you only not-too-plausible theories, and NEVER FUCKING SPELLING OUT JUST WHICH FUCKING SOURCE THEY'RE USING TO SUPPORT THEIR CLAIMS? GLE saved me from a life of repeatedly headdesking every single time I look up something Norse-related on the Internet.

Also, he is a really great guy. He's helpful, honest, intelligent, always ready to call out racism, sexism and every other shitty -ism. Sometimes he posts things that make me want to hug him so much. With him, you can always be sure to learn something new about Norse Myths or heathenry in general without having to face lots of triggering stuff.

So, yeah. Just check him out and have your mind blown by his sheer awesomeness, 'kay?


loki hangover

They don't hate men, they just hate jerks (like you)

Women get harassed, beaten, raped, killed, told not to go out alone or wear short skirts because then everything that may happen will be their own fault, treated like someone else's property, shamed because of their bodies and what they decide to do with them, silenced and mocked when they try to talk about their problems. They get less money than their male colleagues, they get less chances to make the difference in their countries' politics and economies, and they get told this is normal and fair and that trying to change things is giving women unfair advantages and oppressing men.
And even if these things don't happen to them, they always know they could happen because they're women. They deal with it - they can get pessimistic and cynical and sarcastic and argumentative but, one way or another, they deal with it.

Men get called "pig" by random anonymous people on the Internet. They then proceed to cry and wail and bawl like bratty five-year-olds because OMG MISANDRY YOU HATE ALL MEN YOU ARE UGLY AND GUYS DON'T WANNA FUCK YOU IMMA MAKE ALL UR PROBLEMS ABOUT ME ME ME ONLY ME REMOVE FEMAL SUPREMACY REMOVE UGLY BODY-HAIR.

Oh, I know not all men are like that. It's what men keep repeating over and over again, after all. But the men who are like that need a diaper and a good stern talk. And if calling them out means being a crazy SJW - well, then I'm proud of being a SJW.
(I was always crazy to begin with.)
loki hangover

My Two Cents About Sigyn

... Or, the useless and irrationally angry musings of a too-fangirlish fangirl. Though, seriously, what did you expect from one with that sort of username?

Anyway, these are things that piss me off as Norse Mythology-obsessed creep with a soft spot for Sigyn and Loki/Sigyn.

Collapse )

… Yeah, I’m done now. A little less angry, a little more embarrassed by my own nerdiness and fangirling.
Time to write more Loki/Sigyn p0rn, I guess.